new year, new…?

As we came into the new year, Twitter came alive with new goals and ambitious projects. I considered what was around the corner and became a bit discouraged. And if I’m honest, afraid.

I felt like a fraud.

The start of this year meant I had two graduate level courses and also full-time work to juggle. How was I going to find time to write? What am I saying, I should make time to write! How can I call myself a writer if I can’t do that much?

In the end, I froze a bit. I was afraid to set a goal because I knew I couldn’t attain it. At best, I decided I would protect Saturday mornings exclusively for writing.

As the weeks went on, I realized how difficult that was. Not as much keeping to the time, but primarily, surviving the week without writing.

I’m constantly reading required texts and writing reflections, and two days out of the week, I am on campus for 14 hours (oh, the joys of working at a school!). I feel it in my bones. There is something debilitating about this lifestyle. It feels like all of those responsibilities chip away at my bones and my heart and soul little by little. And by the end of the week, not only do I want to sleep and laze and forget that protected time, I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime without touching my work.

Last weekend, I decided to finally set my writing goal for 2019. Better late than never, right?

It’s an incredibly small goal. Nearly insignificant and easily overlooked.

I’m aiming for half a written page a day.

Insignificant. Tiny. Microscopic in the larger context of a novel.

But attainable. Most days, I can actually get more than that done. There’s been one or two where I’ve had to fight for that half page, and then a day later, I’d scrap it. But having something to scrap and build off of makes a world of difference.

And it does a heart good when one can check off this box for the day.

I’ve been able to do this consistently for five days. Today is day six, and I’m not planning to miss it, despite it also being a class night.

So we’ll see how this goes, but I’ve noticed, even though I’m still tired during the day, I also feel significantly more alive than I did just a week ago.

Please feel free to check in with me. I could always use the accountability. Especially when finals start edging near.

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